Alone I Break
by Mega-Melfina
Summary: SquallXSeifer.  Squall is alone as commander of Garden.  Who will come to save him?  I'm not good at summaries...just read!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII or any of its characters. ;( I also don't own the lyrics, which belong to KoRn, from Alone I Break.

He sat in utter silence in his bedroom, gazing out the window at the full moon. He eyes were glassy and watery, but his body portrayed no emotion: held tall and erect. A sigh escaped his rose lips softly, and he let his upper body slump, putting his head in his hands. His dark coffee hair spilled over his fingers delicately. Lightly at first, his bare chest began to heave as he sobbed, biting his lip to keep from making sound. Tears fell to the ground below his hands, quietly sinking into the carpet.

_Pick me up  
Been bleeding too long  
Right here, right now  
I'll stop it somehow_

He stood up slowly, not bothering to wipe the flowing tears from his face. His bare chest glowed in the moonlight, revealing long-forgotten scars and battle wounds. He fingered one scar absent-mindedly, thoughts racing as he slowly walked towards his sheathed gunblade, leaning against the wall, bathed in silver light.

_I will make it go away  
Can't be here no more  
Seems this is the only way  
I will soon be gone  
These feelings will be gone  
These feelings will be gone _

His sunken face grimaced in an attempt to smile as he removed the gunblade from its rough case and cradled it carefully, admiring its metal sheen in the light of the moon. Staring at nothing, he carefully began to slice the exposed flesh of his wrist, drawing blood. Faster and deeper the blade went, sawing across the arm until it reached the vein. He stopped as he watched the blood spray out of his own body, marking the wall and bed. Awed, he sunk to the floor, feeling the dizziness overcome him.

_Now I see the times they change  
Leaving us, it seems so strange  
I am hoping I can find  
Where to leave my hurt behind  
All the shit I seem to take  
All alone I seem to break  
I have lived the best I can  
Does this make me not a man?_

_I'm…alone. _He thought fleetingly, watching his vision dance before him. Spots danced in front of his eyes, turning everything monotone. The frail man lay down on the cool floor, curling his legs into his chest, holding his wrist out before his eyes. Blood pooled around him, soaking into the carpet, turning it a dark color.

_Shut me off  
I'm ready  
Heart stops  
I stand alone  
Can't be my own_

As he vision blurred further, and the edges of his sight began to darken, a knock came at his door. Carefully, he laughed, feeling lightheaded and out-of-body. The knock seemed miles away, and he ignored it.

"All…alone…" He said matter-of-factly, carefully, letting the darkness overtake him finally, giving up his body to whatever came.

_Now I see the times they change  
Leaving us, it seems so strange  
I am hoping I can find  
Where to leave my hurt behind  
All the shit I seem to take  
All alone I seem to break  
I have lived the best I can  
Does this make me not a man?_

A/N: I thought this would be a one-shot, but of course not. I haaad to continue.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Squall or Seifer or anything from FFVIII, sadly. I also don't own the lyrics, which are from HIM's song Please Don't Let It Go.

Seifer walked through the streets of Deling City, glancing at the newspaper stands he passed. He could see a picture of someone familiar on the cover, someone he was trying to avoid. However, when his curiosity could no longer be kept at bay, he quickly threw some change at the vendor and pulled a newspaper from the rack. Without moving, he read the front page, skimming.

_"Balamb Garden Commander Attempts to Take His Own Life"_ Underneath the headline, a picture of a pale, too thin black and white Squall was shown, staring at him. Seifer pulled his eyes away from the picture, dropping the newspaper to the pavement. Without hesitation, he began to run away from the vendor, heading towards the only train station in Deling, Hyperion toted on his back.

_We're drifting apart  
__But I want you to know  
__Wherever you are I belong  
__Love's singing our song  
__But we fail to sing along  
__Wherever you go I will follow _

Squall opened his eyes slowly, feeling his eyelids strain to pull apart. Slowly, his vision adjusted to the bright room and white walls. He was in the infirmary. Unable to move his body, he glanced to his left and right, seeing his arm hooked to an I.V. and an heart rate monitor attached to his finger. He let out a soft moan, feeling overwhelmed with his surroundings.

"Squall? You awake?" He turned slightly to see a short, petite brunette sitting at his bedside, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

_Selphie…_Squall opened his mouth slowly, but it was parched dry.

"No, don't try to speak! Here, have an ice chip…" Squall closed his mouth over the ice, the blessed wetness coating his mouth.

_So please don't let it  
__Please don't let it go  
__'Cause if you won't let it I won't let it go  
__So please don't let it  
__Please don't let it go  
__'Cause if you don't let it I won't let it go _

"I'm alive…" Squall muttered, ignoring Selphie's concerned look and turning his back to her. He heard the door open slightly, and assumed she left. Carefully, letting out a small grunt, he returned to facing the ceiling. Softly, he heard Selphie whisper:  
"It's good to have to back." Squall closed his eyes, not wanting to see anyone else.

"I see your awake, Leonhart." Squall started at the noise, jolting upright. He let out a pained hiss through his teeth as his muscles complained.

"I don't think you should be movin'." The voice said to him. He glanced up and saw a pair of concerned jade eyes gazing into his. He quickly looked away, bewildered. His eyes betrayed his surprise.

_You try to be strong  
__But you're always so alone  
W__hatever I do I do it wrong  
__Death sings our song  
__And we eagerly sing along  
__Whatever you do I adore  
__I adore _

Gray eyes looked back at him disdainfully.

"What…are you doing here?" Squall swallowed, rewetting his throat and catching his breath.

"What are you doing trying to kill yourself?" Seifer retaliated. Their eyes locked in a battle of wills. Sparks flew between their eyes. Squall looked away to gaze at his bandaged wrist. It throbbed beneath the white gauze.

"I didn't even get to do the other one…"Squall murmured, sounded disgusted. Seifer's eyes filled with disdain, and he glared at Squall's injury. Angrily, he grabbed Squall's arm, holding his wrist up to his face. Squall flinched, but stood still, eyes glazing over.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Leonhart! Is this anyway to deal with your fucking problems!" Seeing the pain in Squall's eyes, he dropped his arm quickly, letting it slide back onto the sheets.

"What do you know about problems, Almasy? You're the one who left!" Squall angrily turned to look out the infirmary window, tears brimming in his eyes. "Everyone left…"

The sound and sight of a broken Squall Leonhart wrenched Seifer's heart.

_So please don't let it  
__Please don't let it go  
__'Cause if you won't let it I won't let it go  
__So please don't let it  
__Please don't let it go  
__'Cause if you won't let it I won't let it go _

Seifer's eyes matched Squall's, becoming pained and glassy with tears.

"Why didn't you tell anyone….?" He whispered softly, reaching to take Squall's hand in his own.

"Who would I have told?" Squall said bluntly, wrenching his hand away. Squall heard Seifer let out a soft sob, but ignored it. He placed his hands on his own quivering chest, biting his lip harshly.

_So please don't let it  
__Please don't let it go  
__'Cause if you won't let it I won't let it go  
__Hey my darling  
__Please don't let it  
__Please don't let it go  
__'Cause if you won't let it I won't let it go _

A/N: Chapter two...I know the fic is a little choppy, but it's like an extended songfic.


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